Fight Song

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Tonight I attended my hometown "American Idol" competition where my friend Boston performed "Fight Song" by Rachel Platten. Boston is one of my amazing Primary children. (I am the Primary president in my ward which means I get to associate with great children ages 18 months - 11 years.)

Boston was so kind to invite me and I was so happy to support him. He did a really great job and there was some tough competition. But he was the first place winner in his age group!!! I am so proud of you Boston! That took a lot of courage but you are a champion!

Boston's mother told me that he wanted to dedicate the song to me tonight. That means a lot to me. I am taking the words to heart. I will remember Boston singing the song every time I start feeling down about my cancer.

"This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me."

Yes, I've still got a lot of fight left in me. Thanks, Boston, for showing me how to be a champ! 

Nowotwór --Elizabeth

I Returned to Work today

Monday, June 27, 2016
I returned to work today. I am grateful for my stamina and recognize that I am being blessed, but I am exhausted. Good night! --Elizabeth

Sisters, Sisters!

Sunday, June 26, 2016

My sister Malena and her family came in from Arizona this weekend. As you can see in the photo, I enjoy this woman so much. I love to laugh with her. We were trying to take a selfie, but I couldn't hold the phone out far enough and take the photo at the same time, So, I was holding the phone out and Malena was trying to touch the photo taking button. We were like two of the three stooges. Haha! It was hilarious!

My sweet sister provided (with the help of a good samaritan) a small freezer for our family. Then filled it with home-made freezer meals. She has taught me so much about service all my life. She doesn't wait for someone to ask for help. She just listens to Spirit and then responds. 

She also made four beautiful hats for when my hair falls out. I will be posting some pictures of them soon.

Malena, thank you so much for your generosity and love. I am so happy to call you sister--for eternity! I love you! -- Elizabeth

Dear Cathie,

Friday, June 24, 2016

Dear Cathie,

This morning I was sad, so I prayed for an angel. I never in a million years dreamed it would be you!! And I am so grateful that it was. J

It is no coincidence that we were both on outings with our daughters who are preparing for missions and just happened to run into each other. As we were having our own personal reunion, our daughters were connecting so well even though they have never met.

As we sat together and I asked about your sweet family, I was not prepared for your personal journey with your 5 year old son who has cancer. All of a sudden, my cancer came into focus and I am so grateful that I have this burden and not my children. How do you do it? How do you watch your sweet little boy suffer? How do you not pray that you wish it was you and not him? Oh, how you must relate, in some small way, to Heavenly Father who watched His Only Begotten Son suffer? You are strong! And you are brave!

Thank you for speaking my new language—cancer. Thank you for the warnings. Thank you for the hope.

Do you remember the first time we met? It was about 25 years ago. We had just moved into your LDS ward and I was called to be the Mia Maid advisor. You were a Mia Maid. I loved you instantly. I remember the day vividly. I can’t remember your hair color but it was unusual for the day. J I wasn’t sure if you would like me, but that proved to be a non-issue. We became fast friends.

When you went into Relief Society, I became your visiting teacher. And then the day I got to be your Matron of Honor at your wedding – oh, what a blessing for me!  You were beautiful! I also remember being at your temple sealing.  Cathie, I am so proud of you!

You will never know what our miraculous meeting meant to me. It gave me a chance to look into your eyes and tell you honestly and sincerely that I love you. I always will.

Friends forever,

Elizabeth

P.S. To all my friends who read this post, will you add little 5-year-old Andon to your prayers? Thanks!

Someone Else's Shoes

Friday, June 24, 2016

I visited with my oncologist yesterday and we discussed a test called Oncatype DX that will help me know very specifically what the chance of my recurrence will be. I have just been trying to deal with the fact that I have cancer and not really thinking about if it could or would recur. It was actually quite sobering.

Even though my brain was going crazy, I slept better than I expected, so when I awoke around 5:00 a.m. I was well rested. I turned on the TV to find a BYU devotional by Sondra Heaston originally given on June 23, 2015 titled "Keeping Your Fingers on the Pulse of Service." It was a great talk and really uplifted me. She shared a YouTube video from the Cleveland Clinic that really affected me. Here is a link, if you interested in watching it (4:23 long):
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDDWvj_q-o8  P.S. Have a tissue handy.

I am learning that every person has a story. May we all be just a little kinder to each other.
Sending love and hope to each of you as your own story plays out. --Elizabeth

2 Nephi 9:52

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Tonight we read 2 Nephi 9 as a family and I found verse 52 of particular interest to me, “pray unto [God] continually by day, and give thanks unto his holy name by night. Let your hearts rejoice.”

As you can imagine, my prayers have truly been continual by day. And I have many reasons to give thanks by night for my heart truly is rejoicing. 

Here are just two of the numerous reasons why:

1. I was able to get dressed all by myself today. Something so simple but means so much!

2.  Dr. Larsen removed the drains from my surgical sights. Hallelujah!! And gave me a glowing report of progress. He is pleased with my healing and is hopeful that I won’t need radiation therapy (which was the best news since I got the drains removed . . . literally minutes before. J)

Yes, I pray. Yes, I give thanks. And yes, my heart rejoices. May yours do the same – I highly recommend it! -- Elizabeth

No news is good news!

Monday, June 20, 2016
I really don't have any exciting news to report for today.
I made breakfast for my family, washed my hair (with the help of my sweet daughter), spent time with friends and family, took a walk with Mark, took a nap, counted my blessings, and thoroughly enjoyed being alive. I change my mind -- I DO have exciting news -- Thanks be to God that I am alive!
The simple things seem so much sweeter to me now. May you find joy in every moment of your life and hug your loved ones just a few minutes longer tonight!
--Elizabeth

Trail to Recovery

Sunday, June 19, 2016

My sweet husband and the most amazing father of our two daughters took me to my "trail to recovery" today. I didn't walk far, but the goal was to be outside and feel the sun on my face and breathe fresh air with Mark by my side. We are both so grateful for my baby steps to healing.

Happy Father's Day to all the dads in the world! May your life be filled with sunshine, but remember that the occasional cloud makes you appreciate the sun even more when it comes.
--Elizabeth

"You've Been Heart Attacked!"

Saturday, June 18, 2016

Today I had a heart attack, but don't be worried -- it was the paper kind all over my door. And instead of it making my heart hurt, it made my heart happy!! -- a million times over!! The note said that it was "someone in the Primary." I am hoping that it was a group of the best children on the planet. I love these little people. I had visits from 9 of them today. They brought me fruit "because it will help you get better" and homemade mint brownies "because they are [your] favorite." I am holding the brownies in the picture with all the handsome boys. My sweet little Nursery child was concerned about my "ohwie" as she tenderly patted my leg. Then as she left, she said, "Bye, Grammy!" Oh how I love these children. I know that I am doing so well due to the prayers of those who love me. Honestly, how can God not answer the prayers of these sweet angels? 

May you find in your life the innocence and love of a child!!

--Elizabeth

I'm home!

 Friday, June 17, 2016
Well, God heard and answered our prayers! The surgery was a huge success. The lymph nodes are clean. My pain has been controlled the whole time. The nurse asked me last night what my pain level was, and I honestly answered "zero." What a blessing! Granted I am on pain meds. :)

Mark is a wonderful nurse. I am grateful for an amazing support team. If you are reading this, then you are one of my team members and I thank you!

I was able to walk outside today up the street a few houses. It felt so good to feel the sunshine on my face and a gentle breeze in my hair. Oh, how I love the simple things--like being home!
-Elizabeth

"A Child's Prayer"

I am a Primary president which means that I get to spend precious time thinking about and serving some of Heavenly Father's precious children ages 18 months through 11 years old. And I love them!
Last Sunday, after I told them about my cancer in Junior Primary, we sang together (well, some of us might have cried) the sweet Primary song by Janice Kapp Perry, "A Child's Prayer."

"Heavenly Father, are you really there?
And do you hear and answer every child's prayer?
Some say that heaven is far away,
But I feel it close around me as I pray.
Heavenly Father, I remember now
Something that Jesus told disciples long ago:
'Suffer the children to come to me.'
Father, in prayer I'm coming now to thee.

Pray, he is there;
Speak, he is list'ning.
You are his child;
His love now surrounds you.
He hears your prayer;
He loves the children.
Of such is the kingdom, the kingdom of heav'n."

I bear humble witness that God really does hear and answer prayers. I have truly felt heaven close around me these past few weeks. I know I am His daughter. I know He loves me as He loves all His children. I know that I will not be alone tomorrow as I go through one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life--my surgery to remove my cancerous tumor. This has been a very emotional journey and the physical journey is just beginning, but I am fully trusting in God to support and sustain me.

Thank you to everyone who is praying for me, my sweet family, and my medical team. I am strengthened by you and your faith. We are going to win this war against cancer!! Thanks for being on my team! -Elizabeth

Roses and Thistles

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Roses and thistles -- an interesting combination for a floral bouquet, but so symbolic of the journey I am on. The thistles make the roses look so much more beautiful, but I am learning to find beauty in the thistles as well. Life is more precious when it is challenged.

Thank you to my thoughtful friends in the floral department where I work, who so kindly gave me this beautiful bouquet. It truly is a symbolic work of art.

Bill's Famous CT Lemonade

On Friday, June 10, 2016, I met Bill.

Bill is a highly trained technician who conducted my PET/CT scan. He first put a radioactive solution in my IV and quickly left the room because being near me also exposes him to radiation. All of a sudden, I had a whole new appreciation for the men and women who put their lives in harm's way to do this work. Obviously they take precautions, but still they are exposed and I am grateful.

While I left the room to go to the restroom, Bill delivered 2 cups of "lemonade" for me to drink. It contained a liquid CT contrast. Bill had kindly added lemonade mix to the solution to make it more palatable. He told me that most people don't like it, but encouraged me to do my best to drink it all and that he would give me another cup in about an hour, right before the scan.

I lifted the cup to my lips prepared to taste the nastiest stuff ever, but was immediately surprised by the delicious taste. I downed the two cups much faster than he expected. I was happy to drink the last cup an hour later.

Bill, thanks to you and every other person who works in the medical field who are kind, compassionate, and sympathetic to people like me who are facing overwhelming challenges. And if you ever open a sidewalk lemonade stand. I want to be your first customer. I would actually pay for that lemonade. Oh, actually, I guess I did pay for it. Wait a minute -- that lemonade was REALLY expensive!!!!

"You Are Loved"

Saturday, June 11, 2016

Decisions, decisions, I am overwhelmed with decisions!

They must be made quickly and so we can’t spend a lot of time mulling things over. We are completely trusting in God that He will direct our path. 

Mark and Morgan went to work today, so I decided to take a walk on my favorite path, Gailey Trail at Nicholls Park in Fruit Heights, Utah. It is a wooded ravine with a peaceful stream that runs the entire distance. It makes me feel like I am back in Kentucky, and I really miss my mom and dad right now.

As I got out of the car, I prayed that I would feel God’s love on this peaceful walk and that I would know the answer to a difficult decision we are facing regarding my cancer. I walked down a short path to get to the trail head and found this sign:

I see the sign every time I walk the trail (several times a week), but this time it was leaning against a tree. This caused me to notice it a little more which allowed me to see a small addition to the sign in the upper right corner:

I wasn’t wearing my glasses, so I had to move closer. There on a small Post-It note was my answer:

I AM LOVED!! I wanted to shout it out to the world. I am loved by God, the creator of heaven and earth and all things that in them are. I am a tiny speck when it comes to His creations and here I was, His daughter, needing to know that He loved me, He knew me, and He knew I had cancer and I was having a hard day. And there it was – plain as day -- "You Are Loved."

Read the fine print. It says #randomloveletter.

I pray that you will find your “random love letter” from God. I promise that He knows you and loves you as much as He loves me for God is not a respecter of persons. Aren’t we so blessed?! I will praise His name forever!

And whoever is reading this, I know it is because you love me, and I love you too. Thanks for being my friend on this incredibly difficult journey. Please let me know how I can help you on yours. And may God bless the angel who put that note on the sign just for me. -- Elizabeth

Today I Danced with a Deer

It was a buck specifically. 

I’m pretty sure he saw me first. It was as if he were waiting for me—standing silent and majestic about 75 feet in front of me on the path. He was at the convergence of three trails. When I glanced up and saw him, I immediately stopped. He was magnificent and strong. 

Our eyes met and he took two graceful leaps away from me and turned to face me again. His eyes were large and dark, and I could see the velvet on his newly forming antlers. There were two points on each side. 

Perhaps he was waiting for my graceful leaps, but I would only inch backwards slowly. Our eyes were locked on each other for what seemed like quite a while. I’m sure it was only seconds. I said out loud, “Hello.” He didn’t respond. 

Then he looked to the right, then left, then right again. With three impressively graceful bounds, he was out of sight. He chose the trail to the right. 

I understand if he didn’t want to dance any more with me—there with my tiny, frightened steps compared to his majestically beautiful leaps. As I continued my walk in the opposite direction, I kept looking back in case he changed his mind and wanted to try the dance again.

(I only wish I had taken a picture of that prom date. J)

Elizabeth 

When I Fall in Love

Friday, June 10, 2016

Today I had a PET/CT scan to see if my cancer had metastasized to any of my vital organs. Luckily, it has not!! Hallelujah! As Mark and I were walking out of the hospital, hand in hand, there was a young woman playing the piano by the main entrance. Mark and I immediately recognized it as his father’s favorite song. Dad passed away from cancer several years ago.

Mark, I know this must be hard for you to watch me go through this when your father died from cancer and your sister died from breast cancer. Thank you for being on the journey with me. I remember the day we met and still feel twitterpated. I love you more and more each day. I wouldn’t want anyone else by my side—you are my one and only.

(Photo taken by Morgan Pierce. She had us pose in front of the "prom picture tree" where we always took pictures of our girls on their special dance dates. Thanks Morgan!)

Click on the title to hear the song sung by Nat King Cole.

When I Fall in Love

When I fall in love it will be forever 
Or I'll never fall in love 
In a restless world like this is 
Love is ended before it's begun 
And too many moonlight kisses 
Seem to cool in the warmth of the sun

When I give my heart it will be completely 
Or I'll never give my heart 
And the moment I can feel that you feel that way too 
Is when I fall in love with you.

And the moment I can feel that you feel that way too 
Is when I'll fall in love with you

Nowotvór means cancer in Polish.

Thursday, June 9, 2016
While on a short walk this week, I ran into a dear neighbor who hugged me without saying a word. But the hug said everything, "I just heard you have cancer." One thing I have in common with her is that we both speak French. I asked her if she knew the word for cancer in French. Neither one of us was sure. Perhaps this terrible disease would set a little better if it had a beautiful name pronounced with a delicate French accent.

Well, it turns out that the French word is Cancer. The Spanish word is Cáncer.  Even the Swedish word is Cancer; Italian-Cancro; Dutch-Kanker; and Cebuano-Kanser.

I then set out on a quest to find a translation that would make me feel better about my diagnosis. And where should I find it? In the Polish language. The Polish word for cancer is NOWOTWÓR. 

At first glance, I was breaking the syllables down this way: no - wo- twór. Then it occurred to me to try it like: now - ot - wór. Then it clicked -- NOW AT WAR!!!! I am now at war against the "emporer of all maladies" - cancer.

In the wee hours of the morning when I cannot sleep and my brain starts to go to scary places, I just remember that I am "now at war." Today when I was in the MRI tunnel, for what seemed like eternity, I had to remember that I am at war against cancer. I have to fight! I am a warrior!! --Elizabeth